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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

bike ride, a walk and parenting

Days like yesterday make me want to be a SAHM momma SO bad! Although I choose to work, sometimes I feel so guilty about the choice I make. But in the long run (once H is in school), I know it will be the best decision. It is just so hard to convince myself of that after days like yesterday!
After daddy and H got home and I finished working, we all headed out on a bike ride! It was a nice day! H normally runs straight to the kitchen for a snack when she gets home, but after asking if she wanted to go on a bike ride, she was not about to chance asking for a snack! (although we did fix her one to take with us. we didn't let her starve! ha!)
After our ride, we headed out on a walk with Berkley! H is very into walking B on his leash. I am pretty sure Berkley would rather one of us do it as she is constantly telling him to STOP and GO! Poor guy! He listens so well and does exactly what she says, but by the end, I am pretty sure he doesn't know which way to turn! Thankfully, he is just so happy about being out on a walk!
{yes. that is exactly what she is doing in this picture. not sure how you could be confused?! I mean, doesn't that look like a flying 2 year old?! Where do they come up with this stuff?? As we were walking, she leaned to one side and said, "take my picture of my flying". her exact works! i now have about 30 pictures of this on my phone. she insisted. and we had to stop and look at every single one!}
Once we got home and had dinner, we took baths. She asked for a snack while we read books. Her choice of snack.... a piece of bread?! Who is this kid and where did she come from!?
And while we were reading books, I guess I "bit two of her fangas (pronounced fang-as. aka fingers). Yep, I got set in time out for biting two of Hadlea's fingers. Thankfully after about 5 minutes, I was able to get up! Atleast she let me keep my phone! Ha! {and excuse my hair of a mess... we had been outside, remember! :) }
Her sweet imagination grows more and more everyday! She was SO much fun last night... which makes me want to spend every waking moment with her! Now... the tantrum evenings, I like to hand her over to daddy! Ha! JK!

Hadlea is hell on wheels. She never slows down. She keeps us on our toes. She is not a kid to sit and play with anything for too long. Which totally blows my mind as I thought that's how all first borns were. I WAS WRONG. Oh the things we think we 'KNOW' before having a real human of our own to parent!! But no matter how many times I have stuck my foot in my mouth or how many times I KNOW I will be proven wrong over the next several years, I am so thankful to get the chance to make these memories with her. I can only do what I think is best for her... even if that means doing things I said I would NEVER do! Everything is worth watching a 2 year old fly... even if she has to tell me what she is doing... and proving me wrong because I thought she was just leaning over! Ha! :-)

And to keep it real... I thought I would always be 'that' mom to have it all together, to remember everything (I used to get so mad at my mom when she wouldn't remember something. sorry momma!), to never get frustrated and raise my voice, to never take something out on my husband and to ALWAYS stay on top of my laundry...
I am again WRONG! In a big way this time! There is a laundry basket under there somewhere. And this is less than a weeks work of laundry. And this is only Justin and I's laundry. H has her own basket! Oh there is not a sad enough face to put on the end of this paragraph! Ha!

Parenting is tough. I honestly never knew. I sometimes want to write REALLY long posts on my thoughts on it, but I never do. We all have our own ways. I see some ways that people parent that I want to copy. I see some ways people parent that make me never want to discipline H again because I feel so sorry for those poor kids that get screamed at over and over again.

I know I can only do what works for our family. And works for my larger than life attitude of a 2 year old! Ha! I sometimes feel like I am a great parent. Other times, I think I do an awful job, which makes me feel guilty and then tell my husband that I do not think we are worthy of trying to raise another human. I know this is SO not true. I know deep down in my heart that I am a great mother. I have some awesome examples out there to learn from. I am sure we all go through this. Or I hope! :)

We talk about having baby #2. I still don't think we are ready. I always wanted to have one by the time H turned 3. That would mean I need to get prego SOON. It is NOT happening! Which again... makes me feel SO guilty! Everyone around us is having babies. Many of my friends that have babies around H's age or even younger already have #2 or are pregnant. It is a constant battle in my mind as to what we should do. I can definitely tell you when I think too much about it, I feel guilty. Guilty because I do not want to deprive Hadlea of a close brother or sister. Guilty that I am NOT ready. I would have to say this is my number one thing to pray about right now. I am just so divided. And I think mostly because I feel guilty over my own decision.

I am really not sure how we went from bike riding, to walking a dog to the guiltiness I sometimes feel over my parenting abilities. But I did...

Not sure how many are still reading... Ha! This was completely random. But thanks for listening! :-)


GiGi said...

You are the best momma ever!!!!

Emily said...

Love this post. I seriously need to meet H some day - she cracks me up! I love that's he bosses B around, poor pup! Ha!

Second, I totally relate to your parenting comments. Sometimes I feel like we've got this thing down, but other times I feel completely outmatched by Asher. I feel unworthy of parenting him and like some days are just a Mommy FAIL. Fortunately, our kiddos seem like they are doing ok!!

I also feel you on the 2nd kid front. It feels like there is SO much pressure to have baby #2! Drew and I hope to be on that road soon, but we'll see what God has in mind. Don't feel bad for one second about waiting until YOU are ready!

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