a bittersweet day...

Today is a bittersweet day.

Today, my sweet baby girl turns 20 months old... TWENTY MONTHS! ...four months shy of being TWO! ...which means I should REALLY get started on planning her birthday party. I haven't even started. I have some thoughts, but NOTHING is jumping out at me. Shame on me for not having it 80% completed by now like I did for her 1st birthday! Ha!

Today, my very best friend and the Godmother of my baby girl turns 30+! Does that make her sound ALOT older than 30?! If so, I LOVE it! Ha! j/k Shannan. (And yes, I know my time is coming!) I hope you have an amazing day, and we will be celebrating this weekend on the lake! I Love You!

A year ago today, I received the WORST call of my life. I received a call that my baby brother had been hit in the face with a softball and broke his nose. I later received a call that the ball did alot more damage than they first thought... crushed nose, crushed cheek bones, cracked skull, pieces of his skull floating by his brain, etc. I later received a call that he needed to be transported but was starting to have seizures.

As I sit here and think back to the day, I can remember where I was with every phone call. I can remember the fear I heard in my mom's voice as she tried to tell me Jake would be fine... .trying to convince me to stay in Tulsa until he was moved to a different hospital and was stable.

I remember the outpoor of love an affection from 1,000s... many I did not even know. I remember posting updates on Facebook because so many were just as concerned. I remember receiving text messages with scriptures at the exact time that I needed to hear them. I remember not sleeping for almost 5 days, but that it somehow didn't bother me. I remember that the only thing that made me comfortable was sitting beside Jake, holding his hands and talking to my family.

I remember the first time Jake squeezed our hands... wrote on a piece of paper that he needed his eyes cleaned... talked... ate... yelled at us for asking too many questions (Ha!)...

I remember so much about the journey. But what I know today after one LONG bittersweet journey is that I love my family more now than I ever thought possible. We have always been a close family, but this made us closer. This journey taught me more about love... leaning on each other and holding each other up, when needed. To see my parents handle this type of situation in the fashion they did is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. I have no idea how they did it with so much courage, but they did. To see my mom never leave the hospital except to go buy clothes or maybe go eat makes me so proud to call her my mom. She is the most giving and selfless person. To see my brother Alan handle Jake and take care of his every need makes me one VERY proud sister! To see my brother Alan and I standing in a shower shaving Jake's head before surgery is one of the funniest things I have experienced to date! Ha! Oh... the things you will do for the ones you love! But to see the way my little brother handled this entire experience almost makes my heart explode with happiness. SO many would have complained or said 'why me'... and although the times were tough and MANY tears were shed, Jake has continued to have a great attitude and bounced back faster than many even thought possible.

And as you can tell for yourself... Jake has NEVER looked better!

July 2010 . August 2010 . April 2011

I know each one of us LOVE our families and close friends. I truly believe that the love you have for one person is completely different than the love you have for another. They all just have different feelings. I LOVE my husband and baby girl. I LOVE my parents. But the LOVE I have for my brothers is beyond anything I can explain. I look up to both of them for different reason. I ask their advice for different reasons. I need to hear their voices at different times for different reasons. They are two of the most caring people. I know they love me unconditionally, and I never have to be anyone but myself in front of them.

As I said, today is bittersweet. Great birthdays, and an anniversary that I wish we were not celebrating. But an anniversary that has brought gratitude, thankfulness and an awareness on how prayer CAN and WILL BE answered. An anniversary that we can be mad about, but also one that we can rejoice and thank God that we still have Jake. The outcome could have been different, but it wasn't. And for me... I will continue to thank God for being with Jake through his journey, for showing us comfort when we needed it and for showing us that He DOES answer prayers!